Many people don't like to talk about it, but it's very common to not feel an immediate connection with your adopted baby. You've been working on getting a baby to adopt for months, you're worn out and anxious, and you might not be in the right frame of mind to make an immediate attachment. Don't worry. Here are some ways to form an attachment with your adopted baby.
1. Spend Time With Your Baby
The most foolproof way to form a connection is to spend time with your baby. Even if you have to go to work while your partner takes care of your adopted baby during the day, set aside a little bit of time to spend time with your baby each day. Lie on your back and have your partner set your sleepy baby on your chest. Breathe slowly so that your chest moves up and down in a comforting rhythm, rocking your baby to sleep. As you feel your baby surrender his or her entire weight and let go, you will likely feel at least a sense that your baby trusts you. When an individual trusts another individual, you tend to feel a connection.
Another way to spend time with your baby is to simply carry him or her around and show him or her your favorite things or favorite places. On the weekends, take your baby to your yoga studio if you love yoga or to the library if you love to read. Take your baby with you while you go on errands. This will help assimilate your baby into your life.
2. Focus On Why Your Friends Love Being Parents
If you have are having a hard time conceptualizing that you are a parent because the baby is not yours biologically, look at your friends that have children. Ask yourself what they're excited about. They might be excited about when the baby smiles at them for the first time, or when the baby coos, or when the baby learns to speak. None of these things have anything to do with biology. You can be excited about the exact same things as your friends with babies. Know that it's totally normal to possibly feel concerned that the baby isn't yours biologically and that it usually passes with time.
3. Take Care of Your Baby
The more you take care of your baby, the more you will become invested and the more likely it is that you will form an attachment. Also, babies are more likely to smile at people who are constantly with them and whose faces they recognize. If you are the one that changes your baby's diapers, chances are good that you are going to experience your baby's first smile very soon.
For more information, talk to a counseling center specializing in adoption, such as Pregnancy Resources.